*24.06.28 An Intelligent Reactor - Jimbo360

Link to video:

v53sqek-an-intelligent-reactor-jimbo360.html

Script:

While most of what I've done so far in my videos has been focused on trolls who make bogus accusations against others, it is probably appropriate to show what happens when someone makes rational reactions. Besides, by showing these more positive examples, it probably also better shows the problem with what trolls do.

Some time ago, when I was on YouTube, I gave an example of how it was possible to react to a channel and even have some points where I may question their opinions, yet I could do it without being nasty about it. I'll probably redo that video for this channel at some point.

But for right now, I want to direct you to a YouTube channel called "Jimbo360". First, his background. Unlike some trolls who trash others who dare to have a different opinion on things in the Philippines, Jimbo was born and raised in the Philippines and as such would have been constantly surrounded by the culture while living it himself. He also has spent many years in the U.S. so he is familiar with much of western culture as well.

I mentioned Jimbo in a prior video, when showing how he said many of the same things as were said by The Filipina Pea, yet while Myk's Philippine Journey called Pea a liar for saying those things, he never attacked Jimbo. Rather inconsistent of Myk.

Anyway, I was very interested when I came across a reaction Jimbo did to a video by Rubeauti - a video from Rubeauti which Myk trashed without using common sense. This was also documented in a video I did in May.

So let's look at what Jimbo said when reacting to Rubeauti:

"The Filipina would would love to have you uh meet uh her family and normally, especially when the Filipinas from the province, uh you will have to meet more than the family. Because they always you know they the in in the province uh Filip Filipina has a lot of uh extended family and a lot of extended family are so curious to see the foreigners."

Right away, I see a totally different attitude. Jimbo is doing something very basic - recognizing the culture of people in the Philippines, especially in the province. The Filipina wants you to meet her family, which makes sense since family is really important to Filipinos - more than we typically see in the west. Especially when it comes to extended family.

This also makes logical sense. We used to see more of this in the west than we do now. While the economic situation for most westerners has long been far better than what many Filipinos have, it was still true that there used to be a greater economic need in the west resulting in families living together in multi-family households.

For example, my father and mother were married for over 6 years, living in the home of my mother's parents and had two children during that time. It isn't like many young people today who are avoiding moving out on their own with their own jobs, leeching off their parents well into adulthood. My father had a good job, but all of my family were very careful about money. So during this time, my father paid for staying there, which helped my grandparents and were also able to save more money to eventually buy their own home.

This happened in their 7th year of marriage. They bought a nice home, paid it off in just 12 years, and we lived in that home for the next 23 years. Eventually my grandmother had issues with old age and, surprise, she came to live in our home.

So I respect the closeness of Filipino families. Can it cause problems? Absolutely. Pretty much anything can do that with some people. But before worrying about possible problems, you need to understand what Filipinos are like when it comes to family. After all, if you are going to marry one of them, there are really only three options.

One is to just insist everything must be done according to YOUR culture, or personal views. Another is just agreeing with everything in Filipino culture. But I think the best choice is to realize both parties are going to have to compromise. And that starts with simply understanding the other person.

Jimbo understands this. Some vloggers don't seem to. Oh, they may accept some things, but only because they don't care about those things. But if it is something they don't like, they can be totally incapable of working for compromise.

In this, it is kind of like the concept of free speech. There are plenty of people who say they are for "free speech", but oppose "hate speech". Trouble is, they pretty much define "hate speech" as anything they disagree with! Some don't even try to hide behind clever rhetoric, but just say speech that might offend someone doesn't come under free speech.

If you agree with that, I submit you haven't thought it through. Because no one has to defend free speech if it is only speech everyone agrees with! It is the speech that some people won't like that must be defended! Keep that in mind when someone tries to censor my videos.

But back to Jimbo. He's already agreed with Rubeauti's comments about how your Filipina will want you to meet the family and the family will include the extended family. As such, this is just the way it is and, at this basic level, is probably a good thing.

His agreement continues, while also telling the foreigners the things they should do:

"You know that that is expected and it's true and then you will have to go and uh meet the uh the family. And I think that this is a good opportunity for you also to meet uh the family so you kind of know how many in the family uh you know how many sibling. These are very key these are you you almost like have to take note uh to you know to to see uh if the you know if the are the sibling are are everybody healthy."

Another good part of this reaction is that Jimbo expands on what Rubeauti says. Making note of how many relatives, their health, the condition of their home, etc, all can matter in the future, as we will see from Jimbo later.

"In uh in in the Philippine culture or when you invite uh one person they will they like to bring extra baggage, they will bring their friends they love to party and at the same time sometime they also love to take advantage you know you know. Hey you know it's a free food."

This is what Rubeauti said. You may not like it, but that doesn't matter. It is just necessary that you be aware of it in advance so you can decide how to handle it.

Jimbo's last part in that clip is important. These people often have very little so a party is a very big deal to them and, yes, their economic situation can lead people to take advantage. But there are different ways this can happen. Some would be acceptable - or at least understandable. Some other ways would not be.

Certainly a poor person just stealing would not be acceptable. But trying to be part of a party, which will cost you next to nothing, is certainly a minor issue.

I've seen some examples of how westerners have handled this. One comes from those who say, if your girlfriend shows up with friends with no warning, to just walk away. Okay, your choice.

Another goes further where the foreigner takes them to a nice restaurant where the cost may be nothing to him, but would be huge to the Filipina's family. So the foreigner makes some excuse, like going to the bathroom, and then sneaking out, leaving the family with the bill.

Many westerners think this is just so much fun. I don't. And I think it is totally unnecessary. Walking away is at least a valid reaction. This isn't.

Another vlogger had a different approach. It was Paul, Old Dog New Tricks when he was dating a Filipina. As I recall, he was taking her to some place where it sounded like you had to pay to get in, but that payment included getting a free beer. So the girlfriend invited like 7 friends to meet them!

Frankly, I like Paul's approach better. He went ahead and paid for everything. But it only cost him about $15 - hardly a big deal.

Before anyone says that that would lead to a never ending situation where he'd be taken advantage of, it didn't. The next day he simply told his girlfriend that it was inappropriate and stopped dating her. Interestingly, they later became friends again, but just friends. No more dating.

I won't decide what the girl was thinking. It didn't have to be a deliberate act of taking advantage. It could be nothing more than an assumption that Paul was wealthy enough that he wouldn't care and she wanted her friends to be able to do something they normally couldn't do. It's all part of trying to understand the other person's point of view rather than assume the worse. And it also shows that you can give in to something without letting it escalate. Most of the time I see men act like if a man gives in on one thing like this, it never ends. That depends on what the man does the next day. But I do get the feeling that some men are afraid of ever not coming out on top.

"I'm not insulting anybody but that's the truth, I just want everybody to know."

This is essentially what Rubeauti was doing. While she clearly thought the foreigner paying for a big party was fine, she was mostly just making you aware of expectations so you could decide in advance what to do.

"So you have to expected so she was right uh you know you could you know you will end up not only meeting the family the you know the relative the extended relatives and also the friends."

Once again, Jimbo says Rubeauti was right and he has the history to know. And note that now Jimbo includes friends of the family, just like Rubeauti did.

You may remember Myk, as documented in a previous video, claiming Rubeauti didn't know the cost. Of course, since every situation will be different, there can be no absolute precision, but here we have Jimbo confirming that the $100 estimate for a party at home is a reasonable estimate.

"She also mentioned that you would expect to pay like a 500 um 5,000 peso or about $100. Uh if you uh decided to go to the house and they have a like a buffet uh table uh is it possible uh 5,000 yes."

"Uh I was just thinking, uh most of the times you know you're going to have like a a pancit, you know, it's a noodle uh you know uh still fried noodles and then what else. Most of the time it will be like a, you know, barbecue. Either barbecue pork or uh, you know, those intestine uh pork intestine or some um maybe chicken. Those are cheaper so you could expect that and then uh some kind of fish and probably uh some fruits so that's uh that's that's feasible, you know to have like a 5,000 budget for like a in in in house welcoming party. Uh actually is welcoming you but at your expense you you you the Foreigner has to to you know to to pay for that one."

And he confirms that it is expected that the foreigner is expected to pay for it. I should point out that in his live stream with Myk, when Myk was trying to make it only about the boyfriend paying for it if he's a westerner, Jimbo pointed out the same expectation applied to a Filipino boyfriend if he was well off. You see, it isn't actually about you being a westerner. It is about who has the money to afford it. But Jimbo also pointed out that usually a Filipino boyfriend won't have the money. Combined with the belief that a westerner is well off, it only seems to be targeting westerners.

"If you uh if you decided that you want to take uh your your Filipina to like a resort or hotel or a nice restaurant, expect to pay like a five uh 500 instead of 100. It will go to 500 which is she is right again uh so she uh, you know, she was uh very I think very honest with her opinion and she did her research."

Once again, Jimbo agrees with Rubeauti's cost for a resort event. I'm sure you can come up with situations that would cost more, but that's beside the point. No estimate can cover every possible option!

"At the same time I also want to warn you now, so I want to give you the positive and also the negative, uh you don't want to get uh too much uh extra bagensa. You know you don't want to show your money uh because uh it will haunt you later. It will haunt you later."

Here we see another big difference between what Jimbo says and what trolls say. Jimbo points out that you need to be careful about giving too much. He's right, but it can get pretty complicated deciding where to draw the line. Maybe that's why trolls just act like anything is too much and will forever condemn you to pay more and more. It's just easier to take that position, but it doesn't make it valid.

"Remember when I said that I have to take note that are the family, are they healthy, are you know how old are the parents. You, this will come into play at later time. Uh, remember as she have said it, which is true, Filipina are very family oriented."

Jimbo calls back to his previous comments about paying attention to the number of relatives, their health, etc, because these are things that may start demanding more than you think you should give. Just like with what Rubeauti said, this is all about making you aware so if you have issues, you know what to talk about with your Filipina.

You need to be prepared. There is nothing wrong with having a close family, but that naturally usually means helping members of the family, especially when poverty is a much bigger issue and there isn't much outside help for the elderly. You are marrying into their culture to at least some extent, unless you are someone who thinks your wife should abandon her upbringing and just do whatever you want.

"But again, she was saying like a, you know, just maybe two or three times uh, you know, um in a year. Expect maybe six time."

"Four to six time you know. Maybe four."

Here Jimbo disagrees with Rubeauti a bit on how often these special events happen. That's fine. It will vary from person to person anyway. The important thing is men can disagree about things without acting like only their opinion counts.

"You need to know the the the family, the background, because how many sibling uh and then she also mentioned that uh you like expected, you know, to help the family because that's how they were uh teach when they were young. That's how we were uh, you know, the parents teach us, like not only Filipino but in as in uh in Asian culture."

Again, emphasizing you need to know about the family situation, but also understand taking care of family is part of the culture.

"Again, she have said that uh, you know, she also said that if you're not comfortable with that uh meeting the whole the whole gang of of the family, you can discuss that with your Filipina and then, you know, some Filipina will will understand, but some Filipina might not, you know, might take it uh might feel offended. Might feel offended like you are not accepting the whole of her. Because the whole of her, that mean it's also uh uh the package is uh with the whole family."

That's another good point. With family so important, these family events are part of you accepting to be part of her family. Sure, you may feel they are taking advantage of you. In some cases that may even be true. But it isn't that black and white. Regardless, you need to figure out, with your Filipina, what you agree to do.

"You know, in a way in a culture, especially the, you know um, the Filipina, they like to have some kind of like a approval from the family. If the family like uh, you know, love the foreigner, she feel like uh she's uh making the right decision. So, so that's the the culture things you know."

This fits in with the prior point. This is also about the family giving their approval, which makes the Filipina feel she has made a good choice.

"If you, let's say you're not uh, you're not a wealthy foreigner uh, you are you know you you have you're depending on your uh Social Security, you have to really sit down and talk to your Filipina, you know, just be be very upfront. Tell her, hey you know what, I love you, but uh you know I you know I'm I can help uh your family if they in need. Uh we can help a little bit, but we not going to be helping them like um all the time, you know uh, because uh we also have to think of our, we have to think of our future, also we have to have our life."

This is similar to what Rubueati said. If you have issues with paying for these things, talk to your Filipina ahead of time.

A marriage is hard work. A cross-cultural marriage and one with a likely large age gap may just create more challenges. What I'm seeing is one group of people just acting like everything has to be their way, even if they are going to move to the Philippines. The better group does the harder work of finding ways to work out differences.

Thanks for watching and don't let the trolls stop you from speaking out.